threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
