you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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