The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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