I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
