sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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