well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
