just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
