She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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