i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
