Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
