So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
