i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
