When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
