I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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