I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
