Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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