there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
