You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
