I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's just like the Real World with babies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
