WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's blow job season.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
