that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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