I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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