Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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