so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
