Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
