i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
