I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
