Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
