My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
