I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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