During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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