Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
