i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
