So drunk its hurt
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
