wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
