Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
