Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
