I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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