in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
