you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
