if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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