I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
