Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
