my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
