i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
