woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
