I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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