Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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