I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
