I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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