I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
