i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
