Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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