you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
