We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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