i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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