It's Friday. Sex?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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