Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
