Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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