my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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