she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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