Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
