Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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