Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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