I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
