how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
