Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
