the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
