so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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