WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
