I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
