i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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