Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
