I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
