Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
