i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
