Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
