Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
