booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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