conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
