I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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