I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
