I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
