tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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