Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
