And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
