The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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