I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
